Normal blood pressure is 120/80; last week my blood pressure hung around some dangerous numbers; 198/107 made me check in with my doctor. He prescribed Amlodipine, a calcium channel blocker that slows down the rate at which calcium moves into the muscles surrounding the heart and blood vessel walls, relaxing them and lowering the pressure. Amlodipine, like many to most prescription medications, has potential side effects—some life-threatening. My doctor told me not to worry, but common sense and bad experiences with doctors in the past made me look up the drug online. The side effects I found were troubling; they include: flushing, fatigue, headache, dizziness, cool clammy skin, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, abnormal heartbeat, chest pain, hives, difficulty breathing, and cardiovascular failure. Severe side effects are not common, but they happen; anxiously, I took the pills anyway.
My reaction to Amlodipine was disturbing: my blood pressure spiked even higher and I felt worse. Rather than go back to my doctor for a dosage or medication change, I did something that has worked for me whenever my blood pressure has risen above normal: I started a fast along with meditating for at least 2 hours a day. There is plenty of research to support that this approach dramatically works for most people; highly significant numbers bring their blood pressure down from dangerous to normal levels in about 10 days. After drinking nothing but water for three days, on Christmas Eve I had a small salt-free vegetarian meal with a few glasses of wine; I should have broken the fast with only juice or soup, but regardless, the following morning my blood pressure was 128/ 86. If I stick to intermittent fasting, small salt-free vegetarian meals, and meditate daily, I should be back to a normal by New Year’s Eve; I also predict a 10-15 pound weight loss and to be far more clear-headed, energized, and relaxed. What a great way to begin the New Year! Disclaimer: Extended fasting to lower blood pressure is not for everyone and can put you in the hospital or do worse…
I believe we all need mentors, especially when we are wishing for a quick solution; we also have to use the grey matter between our own ears; now, who is this “we?” Is this we the same we who keeps killing others (and themselves) every day because they wholeheartedly swallow the words of authority figures that they assume actually know what is best, when in actuality these authorities too often operate based on thin information and personal (often hidden) vapid agendas and biases? Ouch!–could I be more self-conscious and rhetorical? Ultimately, we have to become our own mentors; doing this requires taking personal responsibility for our own learning and actions; yet, we can not dismiss what chosen mentors have to say either.
No matter how old we get, I believe we can always use a good mentor. I’ve been collecting mentors since I was a boy–partly because I grew up without a father and lost my surrogate father, my grandfather, when I was twelve. Tragically, the death of my uncle and his new wife, who were stepping in to become loving guardians, left me heartbroken and searching. Now, as I reaffirm my career path as a teacher, group facilitator, and indeed mentor, it is time for some serious self-reflection and a good look at who I choose to believe, what I want to pass forward, and how I want to do it. Just consider how many times in your life you acted without proper guidance and based on erroneous reasons (if reasons at all!). Who do you believe now? Who will you believe in 2017? If you teach or mentor, what will you ultimately transmit and how will you do it?
The following pieces are from my 1997 Brooklyn College MFA thesis manuscript that are related, if only tangentially, to the theme(s) at hand. I used the first two pieces by Dante Alighieri and William Carlos Williams respectively in my introduction.
“For in every action what is primarily intended by the doer,
whether he acts from natural necessity or out of free will,
is his disclosure of his own image. Hence it comes about
that every doer, in so far as he does, takes delight in doing;
since everything that is desires its own being, and since in
action the being of the doer is somehow intensified, delight
naturally follows…Thus nothing acts unless by acting
it makes patent its latent self.”
Dante Alighieri
Danse Russe
by William Carlos Williams
If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping
and the sun is a flame-white disc
in silken mists
above shining trees, —
if I in my north room
dance naked, grotesquely
before my mirror
waving my shirt round my head
and singing softly to myself:
“I am lonely, lonely,
I was born to be lonely,
I am best so!”
If I admire my arms, my face
my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
against the yellow drawn shades, —
Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?
**************************************************************************************************************
Like Children
by Andrés Castro
The crayon scribblings
on the brown paper bag
I met my mother with
as she walked in the front door,
work weary
heavy with groceries,
fell short of being letters
were nothing like words,
and yet, she’d sit down
on the floor beside me,
me and my scattered Crayolas—
Vamos a ver—Aqui tienes S.
Y digame ques esto no es A.
Aqui tienes T, y perfecto! –
until I had enough
letters, give or take,
to make my word,
to make us laugh,
laugh loudly—
naively,
like children.
*Take What You Need
I remember Abuelo
standing on the porch
his face held by the sun.
I had hinted Hershey bar;
as usual, he said,
*Coge lo que necesites.
The run up the stairs
never happened as I
looked over my nose
at the top of his dresser.
An old Café Bustelo can
overflowed pennies, nickels
dimes and a few
Glistening quarters!
Beneath the big oval mirror
lay an ancient
scorched black bible.
I had watched Abuelo
slowly lift
its crumbling cover—
lift one crinkly
white membrane
then another—slow
as an old Taoist
sliding the Chi
down from his wrists
into the cup of his hand.
*Appeared in Montreal Serai
Sigmund Freud
You have helped
make men
and women
who only read your work
smirking little urchins,
like those that on a dare
pocket and run
with unwatched fruit.
I have coughed up
seeds, acid, skin
on your dusty
old couch.
Until next time,
keep writing.
Peace,
Andrés